Politics and Bullshit are they so far apart

You ever have that feeling like what ever you do isn't good enough and you don't or can't make a difference! Now on top of that my beloved GF seems as is she's going to give me the Dear John, here pretty soon (no offense to anyone named john). Not that I am the most unwanted human on the face of the earth at the moment (soon to be changed) I am over 40 and have Diabetes, have been unemployed now for over 8 months, good eh! yeah even I wouldn't date myself let alone want to be myself if it wasn't for my GF and ever loving friends I probably would be homeless and have AIDS by now or my home would have been destroyed by some freak accident of an ungodly nature. So how do you get out of this loop? what do you do? because I'm at a loss really in a state of confusion! So what I'm attempting to do is by blogging and kind of brainstorming, trying to talk my way out of this gigantic slump that I have jumped into! here we go!!!
You know when everything that is right is wrong and everything that is wrong is...well going to go for the other guy. What great god came to my life and said guess what "Today is the day you (that means me) are going to screw the rest of what looks like a good life or starting to be, up! yup that happened, now what to do, do I go to the temple and get purified? do I whip myself and cause sef-inflicted pain, (ehehehe) internet porno just doesn't seem to be the answer, and you can't expect your friends to any more than encourage you not to do anything stupid (thanks). does anything work? can you fix it? is it destiny? do you believe in destiny? Is there a all powerful being or whatever that controls it? what about free agency that is taught in 99% of all religeons the process of making our own choices? does tis mean we are free to make our own choices acocording to the will of another, as long as we choose the right path we are free to pursue the right road? only according to that which is lad out for us? some religeons teach not destiny but pre-ordination? how different or similar are they! Am I destined, pre-ordained to fail if I don't make the choice!? or just destined to fail? you know like a grade curve, getr some A's and some B's and some C's and some (like me will unfortuneately...Fail, My saving grace is a saying I once heard that said (Idon't remember who said it or where and when) something close to this, people would really be surprized at where they stood right before they quit, because they were usually right at the point of success! I must be right at the brink of major break through!! Cuz I'm right at the quitting point! But in the words of the great Winston Churchill, " Never quit,...Never quit, never quit, never quit, never quit, never quit, never quit." 7 times if I'm not mistaken, (does this mean I shouldn't have qiot smoking and drinking!!) so here I am. And then again there is the great story of the man beating stick, Job, a man whowas so faithful to god that god could use him as a basis of example to Satan during a challenge from the Devil himself. the message -Have faith-pure and simple go forward, move on despite the turmoil that surrounds you. I used to be amune to the gossip and junk talk that surrounded me but now that I don't have a job, I can't help but hear the crap that goes on! when you work it is second door to your job, because you are pre-occupied. need to get pre-occupied. need to get a job! knew it from the start. thanks for being my listeners. Gotta get busy and get a job can't sit around and blog!!! GEEEZ what the hell have I been doing!!