yes, we can...maybe

ok so it has been a while had some work...yes work to do ( occasionally I do work for the money) so that some day I too will pay all the people that I owe money back!! so yes I had a job translating something I had no business doing!! in other words it was way over my head but got through it!! yeah!! and got paid more yeah!! How about that! so where were we before... lob shop, then...crap I can't remember and can't be asked to look so here is this weeks...or times lesson on how to make a fool of yourself in Japan. I'msure none of you have done this ever in your travels through out Japan, never didn't understand what someone was saying and answered completely unrelated and embarrassing answer!! I know . Never been publically intoxicated and slept in the street or in front of someones dorr not yours eh! well here it is time to reveal under a secret name WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO EMBARRASS YOUR FAMILY NAME!! but in Japan so IT DOESN'T MATTER!! yeah right!! Ever been the only one laughing in the movie theatre... or stepped into someones house ...with your shoes on by accident, How about passing food from stick to stick...yup been there done that! These things I like to call "stupid gaijin tricks",and some of them are side splitters, you the type, there's always "that gaijin" you know the annoying one,actually there are about five different types, let's name them ... all. First and foremost there is "fresh meat" hehe you know... just came from a different country and doesn't know smack, like a sponge you can feed them anything, lately these kids are a little more knowledgeable about Japan (not) but that doesn't say much. "here have some raw horse meat" is my favorite cuz most people can't stomach horse let alone raw, and no one believes you anyway. Also teaching these people Japanese is great too. so much fun!! Where "can I have some bread" becomes "hey old toothless bitty get me my bread now!" and so on. Then there is the Japannawanna these guys are the hard ones to deal withcuz they have lost touch with reality and have tried to become Japanese!!! (which by the way is close to imposible, like Japanese whiskey you can become close but no cigar baby no matter how good you get!). you know the type "Hey Bob howz it hangin'", reply "konnichiwa aruba-tosann, genkidesu ka?"pleeeease!! To speak well in Japanese is a credit to you and a compliment to the Japanese people... to try to be one of them (no matter how much you think there world is better than your own) is an insult to Japanese and a joke to to yourself!!! I have lived in this country for over 20 years and I love it just like the next Japannawanna but never have I thought of myself as being Japanese, Don't get me wrong I do not believe for a moment that you connot live among the Japanese as some people would have you think but to think " I'm Japanese is ludacris!! ok enough about that. Next guy (person) is me, the LIFER the guy who came here by whatever means that got him here, and has or will be her forever!!! yes admit it! you are not going home!!! for whtever god foresaken reason you're here! For the first years it was always "yeah I think I'm going home next year.... for 10 yearsthen it's "well maybe when my kids hit grade school" and then lately it's "yup ain't going home man shit...." yes we know who we are! so get to like it! ok who's next....? AAAHHHH yes, how could we forget the "what the F#$%"%K are you doing here!!!" guy, to this eternal complainer I say "GO HOME BIYOOOOOTCH" you make everyones life miserable just because you dissatisfied with how everything isn't like it is at home!! This is Japan not your home town! Civil rights HAHAHA stop asking why they don't have it here? they don't get over it!! Yesw there are some things that might go better if you were President or Prime Minister but...your not! but there are a lot of things that work here that wouldn't even begin to to be comprehended in other countries (public intoxication) non PC, lots of stuff, I can't understand why these people stay or even came for that mater. ok I could go on for years about these types so next. Next the entrapaneur ( hope I spelled it right , if not sorry), now this guy is usually pig headed, big headed, and some times actually know what he's talking about, except for the fact that all they want to talk about is ...money! everything is how you can make money doing this or that. Wish I had a dime (10yen coin) for every guy who said " yo bro pizza would go awesome here"still haven't met anybody that got rich of this money maker!! many are dooing it but only a few... I mean 1 or 2 have had real success ( but they all know about sales maneging, marketeering, and they definately know that Japanese people looooove pizza"! WHaaaaatteva! ( I know that I don't know everybody either). Now I've come to the guy that I think everyone can identify with, whether you are this guy or not you definately know one or more!!this person is genderless because it goes both ways, (although I've come across more male than female) they are the.... Super-model, hiilarious joke telling, way cool, never wrong every girl (or guy) wants me...couldn't get a date to save your life in your own country, could scare flies off of doggies doodoos( I could be more graphic but I do realize that some day my mother would read this and find out 1st where I am, and then what my language is like when I'm not at home, so bare wiht me please)...nerd. Yes the guy (or girl) who has come from the world of "talk to the hand" and "sorry I have to wash my dogs hair tonight", but here in Japan gets dates and comments like "you look like Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise" yeah right. Don't get me wrong it is a total ego booster... but for many it's more of a Ego on steroids and viagra with a shot of Cuban Coffee!! Because you can't stop these people. they get maniacal, I mean it, I would be the last person to say "duuuude you are waaaay out of you class" but guess what...STOP IT!!! PLEASE!! In oone sense you feel for these types, but when they say "she (or he) is in to me", the game is over! Do you not realize when Japanese poeple say "ooooh your Japanses is soo good( nihongo ga ojouzu desu ne) it really means " If I tell you your Japanese is good will you stop talking to me so we can continue to have this blisfull relationship" you wanna know when your Japanese is good? when they start getting annoyed by the mistakes you shouldn't be making and tell you politely of course," excuse me but we don't say it like that , it is..."and then precede to belittle you to the ground so politely you don't realize that 1 your japanese sucks, 2 your happy about it! then you know I must be doing something right ! So you can realize what this does to the nerd turned super-model type. I think this is going to be a two part series cuz I'm having fun but it is 6:15 in the moorning and I forgot to mail my ugly rotten one tooth fat pizza face Girlfriend...yes this is Japan, so you know what, yup My GF is F&#$&%$in' HOT!! gotta go! next time we're gona have fun with Americans and accents!! l8r